Lemony [leh-MON-ee]

Well I feel less heinous than I did the other night. It was quite fleeting really, and only lasted a day or two. I went to Beccy's on Wednesday, I think it was, and she cheered me right up, but then I went home and got depressed again. I got drunk and embarrassed myself by filling in drunken MySpace quizzes, and then went to the Co-Op, and embarrassed myself again, so then just went to bed. It was such total fun. But, for just a while, I didn't cry. It was a pathetic though, and then on Thursday I was over it. So it was all a bit retarded.

ANYWAY. On Thursday I had arranged with Sian and the Jesses to go beachin', but because the weather was so bad we went shopping instead which was just about bearable. I am awful at being a girl. But we did go to Primark and I bought the coolest jammies ever and on the bottoms there is a CLOUD with a FACE and they make me so happy. And I also bought some pants and socks and only spent £6 which was good. We also went to The Real McCoy's and perved on Jess Lane's fancy woman, and some other places too and then came home.

It was pretty cool but I didn't find a new bag so Mother gave me one that she got from someone, and it's cool and big and OMG I just realised it is pale blue. Ew. So I might not use it after all...I look like such a penis walking around with a handbag anyway. The dead animal one was barely acceptable, but this fat bum pale blue one is quite atrocious really. It has a pelican on it. So I need to find some kind of bag that isn't revoltingly girly but isn't a total man bag. GOSH I am such a transexual.

So, enough of the bag talk. Yesterday morning I had to babysit Bamalamalam whilst Annie did work or something and Mother went strawberry picking. I was all set to take Bam to Taunton with me and go and get my deposit back from college, but when I tried to put her in my car she cried and refused to get in. I have such great negotiating skills with children. So then we just sat around the house watching Peppa Pig and then she decided we would go to the park, which she just invented, so I took her to the "rec" and she went on the roundabout for at least 45 minutes. It was the most tedious experience of my entire existance. Then we were going to go on the slide but she was too scared because she's a total wimp, so she just walked around on the slide-climbing-frame-thing. The whole place has gone seriously downhill since I was a child. The graffiti-encrusted playhouse that I went on a rampage about and completely censored has been removed, which is gutting. All the paint on the climbing frames and roundabout and crap is faded and peeling and covered with gum and shit. How I miss my childhood. Anyway, Bam went on the roundabout a second time after the slide scenario, and actually fell into a coma and couldn't walk when I decided to force her to go home, so I had to carry her home and she's only a tiny thing but she was still heavy to walk aaaall the way home with, and so I got a backache. But anyway, after about 6 more hours of Peeeeeppa Pig *snort*, Mother returned and took her away. Phew. I am NEVER having children if 2 hours with one makes me feel like I'm dead.

So after that I finally went to Taunton, took back Zenith and got £55 of my deposit back It was vaguely sad, for about 5 seconds, but really I never had any emotional attachment to the place so it wasn't particularly devastating. I considered giving the £55 to Rosie but I figured I would probably need some form of money in Cornwall and I am too scared to ask Daddy to give me any. I get my bonus 5 days after we get back anyway, so it'll be fine. I'll deffo pay her back, like.

I came home from college and went to the aforementioned Rosie's house, because I thought other people would be there but I was the only one. HI I'M COOL. But it was cool. We watched the tennis because she's in love with Roger Federerererererer and then attempted to make scones which was actually the most amusing experience of my life. We couldn't work out what was going wrong, but they really tasted grim and didn't rise and were generally a waste of time. So we decided to go to Cullompton and buy some, but there wasn't a single scone anywhere in Cullompton, so we went back to Clyst Hydon. Haha. After that I had to go to work so I drove back again, and went to work which was lame and boring.

Afterwards I jumped in the car (Mascha) and went and picked Harriet up from Little Chef, and then went to Alix Lowe's where they got ready. On the way to Clyst Hydon (for the third time that day), we called into the 24-hour garage and bought stuff for Charlotte and a sandwich for me. The journey to Clyst Hydon made me want to kill myself. No offence, but OMG. Harriet was terrible. But anyway, we got there alive (barely) and went in and it was actually a really cool evening. We basically just chatted and messed about and it was really fun. Clare, Kate and Taggy were there when we got there, but Taggy went after a while and then Harriet left because she had work the next day. As she left she said "have fun in Cornwall" in a really pathetic way and it was actually really stupid. She was being fine up until that point, but that just made me feel basically the opposite of sorry for her. It was like, uh, get a grip? But anyway. We had a lot of fun. We stayed up until like 4.30am talking and bitching. Bitching, mostly. We are such bad, evil people. Anyway, Kate and Charlotte left and then Rosie went to bed and Alix Lowe and I slept in the living room. I had a really weird dream about diarrhoea, haha.

Uh yeah, so in the morning, which was this morning...it seems like 100 years ago though...we got up and sorted and then waited for everyone to get ready and for Alix Lowe's mum to pick her up, then we went our separate ways. Rosie and Clare went shopping in Exeter and I gave Rosie some money to buy me some mascara and some shoes like hers which are almost tiny tiny shoes but not quite, and they are actually the cutest things I have ever seen, but then she texted me saying they had sold out. So I was heartbroken because they are closest I would actually come to a) something girly and b) sandals. Never mind.

When I got home I had an hour-long bath and proper pampered myself. I am totally shaved and smooth and moisturised and nice-smelling and clean now. So that's all good. I even painted my mother fucking toenails, and then got scared at my girliness and had to talk to Dad about motorbikes for a while. John is trying to get a Buell Ulysses which are just the FITTEST bikes I have ever seen, and they do ORANGE ones and blaaaah I will die if John gets one.

Look how fit they are:

Far too attractive for John, I think it's fair to agree.

So yeah, after my mega-girly bath sesh, I watched some American Office, died over how beautiful Jenna Fischer is, and then went to work. Which was basically torture. It just draaagged so slowly, and I was so tired due to my 5 hours' sleep this morning that I was literally falling asleep stood up at the till. I was in a total coma and all the customers must've though I was stoned or something. But now that I am home and it is nearly 1am it's like HI AWAKE AWAKE ALERT TIME and so I am bloggin' it up rather than sleeping.

I think I might sleep now though, and maybe go to church in t'morning. And then work at 3, and then I am freeeeee until next Saturday! EW, which reminds me, they re-instated Saturday Night Fever on Co-Op radio! After its very lengthy ONE WHOLE WEEK break, I now get the pleasure, again, of the shittest 80s disco bollocks which supposedly is designed for "getting you in the mood for the weekend". More like getting me in the mood for STABBING that arse Rick in the eyes.

Sorry, that was a bit wrong after all the stabbings in London and stuff. Eurgh, it's disgusting. Two French students got stabbed 250 times and they think it was just for their bank details. Sick, totally. Grim.

Oh my gee, guess what I did earlier! I VOLUNTARILY watched an ENTIRE sports match! I watched the women's final at Wimbledon between Serena and Venus Williams and because I have absolutely zero knowledge of anything sporty, I decided to support Serena because she had better hair, but then Venus won. I was actually worrying excited by the match and on more than one occasion I jumped out of my seat and/or shouted at the screen, and then realised YOU ARE WATCHING SPORTS FOR FUN and cried. But it was interesting and I am not ashamed of my new found sport fandom. And it is not just because Rosie forced me to watch tennis yesterday. Which was boring and full of men anyway, so it is clearly the Williams sisters' very erotic-sounding tennis grunts that attracts me to the game. Hahaha. Beccy said "competitive grunts + muscular thighs = lesbian paradise"
Too true, too true.

I am listening to Billy Gilman and it is depressing me. Mother had a rant at me earlier about drugs because I said if you wanted to get drugs in Cullompton it would not be hard. She thinks I am a total raging lesbian drug addict. Silly lady. Then she started going on about how I should basically forget all my current friends because I will make new better ones at uni and forget my school friends. It was actually quite horrible. She is so insensitive. She has started the whole "when I was your age I was engaged and working full time and being a nurse and earning money and being perfect and not doing drugs" ranting now, which is just disturbing. I am more glad than is possible to describe that I am not engaged and being a submissive housewife. Gah.

Well I believe that it is all that has happened to me. In great, detailed detail. So I'm going to go get some sleep and then probably not blog again until I get back from Cornywall on Friday so BYE!
xxx

It has come to my attention that the Daily Mail newspaper is crap, homo- and transphobic, sexist, racist and generally shit. Today there was an article about a transman and not once was he referred to as "he", and whichever dick of a journalist wrote it refused to call him by his chosen name, Alex, and referred to him only as Sarah.

And it also mentioned how he felt like "a gay". A gay?! Is that actually politically correct, to say "a gay"? I'm trying not to be offended by every tiny thing, like the stupid groups who lynch people for saying queer or something, but it just seemed really derogatory and offensive.

So I hereby announce my boycotting of the aforementioned wanky newspaper and think that everyone else should follow suit.

Well last night I decided not to go to the barbecue because it would be majorly gatecrashing. So I rang Beccy and asked her what was going down and she and Taggy were going to Erin's so I thought what the hey and decided to go as well.

I went and picked up Taggy and she'd been smoking for about 3 hours already, haha. We went down to Erin's and there were already people there, like George, Cribby, Jess and this other girl that is also called Jess, and Beccy fancied. I was staring at her trying to work out who she reminds me of and realised it was Ross McLachan or however you spell it. Hahaha. Beccy was not amused. Poor girl, she was too shy to talk to her and just sat that looking at her shyly. Lol.

So yeah. Everyone started getting drunk and taking drugs and I was just like...meh. This time last year I would've got munted off my face and been like WOO and stayed right until the last second but last night all I wanted to do was go to Rosie's and eat icecream and watch Graham Norton and bitch. Haha. I felt like an old woman but I just really was not impressed.

Taggy did goodness knows what and I was just like...why?! I had a good time, don't get me wrong, because Mascha turned up and it was nice to see her and everyone else and we chatted and played a game and stuff but I was just so cynical about the whole situation. Sigh.

When Taggy was basically beyond comprehension she decided it was time to leave so we said goodbye and I drove her home. I dread to think what Leigh said to her but I wasn't about to get involved so I just came home. Mum and Dad weren't back from the Norris' yet, which made me feel even older. I come home from a Friday night out before my parents! Cool.
Aaanyway, I have to go to work now. Eurgh. I haven't been since last Sunday so it is really not going to be fun.
xxx

I HAVE FINISHED MY EXAMS! Woohoo! English was the last one yesterday and it was pretty easy and now I am freeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee. Went to Rosie's last night and had champagne and icecream to celebrate ^_^ So that was fun.

Last night I lucid dreamed! Dreamed or dreamt? Whatever, it was so exciting. There was music playing, and it was something rubbish so I decided to change it and I wanted to listen to Catatonia and so Mulder and Scully started playing. Then at the bit where Cerys sings "I wake myself thinking of him", I woke myself up! It was like I was forcing my eyes open to coincide with the lyrics. Which were in my head. It was quite weird, but I was proud of myself. Haha, I think that's lucid dreaming anyway.

Then today I went into Taunton and found Rosie at college, and then we went down to Sainsbury's and then to Cornucopiaaaa <3 to get my tattoooo. I wasn't nervous or anything at all. I was talking about how I hoped my feet weren't smelly and this guy was stood there looking at the flash and he was laughing, and then someone called him Dean and he went out to the back and I realised he was the artist who was going to do my tattoo, haha. So good first impression. He was nice though and after a couple attempts at getting the stencil in the right place, he got to work. It was too painful at all. It got a little worse nearer to the ankle but nothing enough to make me flinch or anything. I got massive pins and needles (no pun intended) as he was doing it and then I couldn't stand on my leg after, haha. Which made me look like a little girl in front of all the big tattoo men. The owner Daryl was like "is that one of those dodgy fish? Oh I mean Christian fish" which was very rude. Haha. So we talked about tattoos and the Bible and then we left. Dean put a bit of kitchen roll stuff on it so I couldn't poke the blood around like the last one But it's sooo cool and really neat and cute So I'm chuffed.

We picked up Charlotte then took her home and I took Rosie to Cullompton. She told me to go to the Physics barbecue tonight and I think it'd be cool, but I'd feel like a right tagalong. But I do reeeally want to do something tonight because I have the night off work, so I don't want to waste it. I have to work tomorrow, Sunday, Monday and Tuesday so I wanna do sooomethiiiing. Meh. Taggy and Beccy are going to the Manor but I don't really wanna go there either. If I end up sat at home by myself playing Sims I will not be impressed.
Well that's all I have to say.
xxx

I have an English exam in just over 7 hours. So instead of sleeping/revising/using my time to do anything useful at all, I am faffing about on the internet. Never mind.

This morning I at 7.24am I woke up with this horrible stinging, stabbing pain in my wrist, and as I gained consciousness I realised a WASP was on me, stinging me! It had obviously flown through the window, landed on me, and when I brushed it with my other hand it got angry and so it stung me. I was not best pleased. It really hurt, and went all raised up and nasty. So I squashed the wasp with a candle and threw it out of the window. Nasty horrible thing!

When I woke up again it was midday and I had my Media ME5 exam (which I forgot to go to last time, oops) at 1.15 so I got up and had a bath and got ready. My skin is really bad at the moment (moan complain teenage angst) so I had to wear about 3 kilos of make-up. Anyhoo, I went to college, and then I was lonely but I found Becky Howe, and we caught up a bit, and I pretended to revise for ME5. Then I met Rosie, Kate and Charlotte and we went outside for a fag and then off to exams.

ME5 wasn't that hard. The questions were like "what makes a successful television programme?" and "films are too violent and regulatory controls are insufficient, do you agree?". So pretty easy really. My hand with the broken finger began to really hurt halfway through from all the writing. I realised I had to hold my pen between my forefinger and middle finger to stop the pain, which made for some *interesting* handwriting. Haha.

So afterwards Rosie came home with me to wait for her mum. I am a crap hostess and failed to entertain her in any way but it was fun. We had a bitch which is always enjoyable. I told her about my general insanity and therapy-needing. I probably shouldn't have but I only mentioned the social anxiety and stuff, not the other things. Lacie said that she got diagnosed with the early stages of schizophrenia which was a bit scary. Makes me feel almost normal. Haha.

Lacie is coming over in August some time. Hopefully she will be here for Beccy's birthday. I think she should have 2 parties, one kareoke or something in the pub for her parents and siblings and everyone to come to, and then something a bit more debaucherous (sp?) for us, haha. That reminds me, the clinician lady told me not to take drugs. I asked her if she was going to tell my doctor that I smoked weed but she said she wouldn't. She was generally nice, and asked me loads of stuff about my whole entire life, family, school, work, friends, etc. Not relationships, which I really was expecting. I don't actually know if I would've been able to be honest with her, which is really silly. But anyway, she said she didn't think I have a mental illness. Which is always good. And I'm gonna get CBT and she gave me self-help information about social anxiety and stress. I'll be fine. Once exams are over anyway!

I have Genre Studies tomorrow, which should be fine. As long as I remember the structure. Rosie and I have 3 exams each left, all at the same times. Our last ones are Thursday so I think we should go out. I want to see The Incredible Hulk so we could do that. We could go to the Vue again. I really liked that cinema.

I have downloaded an application for Waterstone's. It always has appealed to me to work in a book shop. That would be really cool. I might also apply to Hollywood Bowl in Taunton, and Morrison's in Tiverton. I probably wouldn't want to work as far away as Taunton, but if I have no other option it would probably be really fun to work at Hollywood Bowl. Although bowling alleys always make me feel really strange, I don't know why. There's something really...tragic about them. That makes no sense whatsoever, as the whole point of them is fun and laughter but I don't know...maybe I had a bad experience in one in a past life or something. I'm like Jenny from The L Word, with circuses. Haha. I hope what happened to her at the circus didn't happen to me at a bowling alley though...o_O Although I'd probably remember. OK, I need sleep now, really badly. Wish me luck for tomorrow.
xxx

Yesterday was one of the funnest (that totally is a word, shut up) days that I have had in a long time.

First of all, I took George and all his Xbox stuff up to the Norris' so we could all play RockBand together. I went and picked up Beccy, and then Jo turned up a bit later as well. I started off singing, which, remarkably, I am not that bad at, and then we swapped around and I had a go at drums and guitar as well. We got really far, and it was so much fun. It is literally the most antisocial game in the world, though. Not only does it make a ton of racket so everyone within a 2 mile radius can hear "thud thud tap tap", but we're all sat there staring at a screen, not talking to each other for hours on end. Haha. But it is ridiculously fun.

So then I took Beccy home and had to go to work for 3. We left it a bit late so I rang the Co-Op and Linda answered, and was fine with me being a few minutes late. Work was boring, obviously, but Dominic decided he wanted to go on the till so at least I didn't have to talk to anyone.

I was irritated by customers yesterday, though: the News of the World had the pregnant man, Thomas Beatie, on the front cover and literally everyone who saw it said something like "eww, what a freak" or "that is sick". It just made me so angry. How is it sick!? I just cannot understand it. I think it's actually beautiful, although I'm not really a fan of how much media attention the couple are trying to get. But whatever, because he's completely entitled to have a baby if he wants. He's not a freak, he's not a sicko, and he's not "some man-woman hybrid". So I got really defensive. Linda said "it's sick, isn't it?" obviously expecting me to agree, but I said "no, I think it's beautiful. The only thing that isn't beautiful is how they are using the baby to bring attention to their cause" (which is a good cause, obviously, but it's not fair on the baby if she grows up feeling that she only exists because her parents wanted attention). Anyway, Linda looked all flustered and said "I see what you mean, do what you want in your own home but the whole world doesn't want to know about it", which isn't really what I meant, but at least she didn't start arguing and calling him a freak. Not that she would, she's the lovliest person ever. But anyway.

So then after work I came home and got ready to go bowling for Dan's leaving-do thingy. I even cleaned out my car so that it would be acceptable for people to ride in it. Turned out that not everyone came, so I didn't need to drive. Dan brought along his fiancée, Ros, and her friend Rose who used to work at the Dulverton Co-Op. Emma drove Gary and I and Dan drove Ros, Rose, Alison and Moira. Anyway, it was so much fun! At first I didn't have the sides up and I was being absolutely useless. Emma and Gary were the best even though Emma just basically drops the ball down the lane and doesn't even try, haha! Dan was also quite rubbish After a while I put the side things up because I was being pants, and then I got a little bit better. I came second to last in the first game, and then in the second I won and got the highest score of the night. Go me. OMG I totally embarrassed myself at one point by throwing the ball backwards by accident. It almost hit this really scary looking, chavvy man and his girlfriend. They just glared at me and I apologised about 30 times, but all the Co-Op lot were just laughing at me. It was funny, but I did think I was going to get beaten up, haha. I really got into the game though, and it was a lot of fun. After the second game, Ros, Rose and I played in the arcade on the dance machine and the crane things, trying to win cuddly toys. No-one did though, and we just wasted all our money. Then we went and watched Dan and Gary play snooker/pool or something, and then went home. It was a really good night and I'm going to try and make my friends go bowling next Friday, because I'm swapping with Emma this week because she has exams.

I handed in my application form to Tesco, so fingers crossed. I want to work nights, even just once or twice a week would be good, so that I have at least a little bit of money saved up for uni. I have completely run out this month, again, and had to get the credit card from Dad. I am so completely AWFUL at budgeting. I just bid 25€ for a DVD boxset of The L Word season 2, on eBay. Where I will get that kind of money from, I have no idea. There you go.

Tonight I have to babysit Daniel while Kathy goes to play tennis. I think he will still be awake when I get there which will probably be really annoying because I can't be bothered to entertain him. Haha no that's mean. It'll be fine, I just have a rental DVD of some lesbian movie that I want to watch and I'm pretty sure that Kathy won't want me to watch it with him.

I have my appointment at Silverlea tomorrow. I lost the letter so spent about an hour this morning looking for it, because I couldn't remember what time I booked. I found it down the side of my bed, and then time is 10am. I probably won't sleep but if I do I'll need to get up early. I'm nervous. I don't know where to go, for one thing, and I also don't want to talk to this "Julie Agar" person. I thought about asking Beccy to come with me for moral support but that would involve telling her things. So looks like I'm going it alone, as always.
xxx

Cerys is out of I'm A Celebrity... and my life is over. She was so cute doing the last task, the "Celebrity Cyclone". She should've won, but now I'll be backing Biggins because he's the best one left. Oh Cerys. Be still my aching heart.

Aaaaanyway. I skipped college today and did a lot of sleeping, because I was very very very tired. Then I wasted time until I had to go to work, which was quite boring, and then I watched I'm A Celeb... and was greatly saddened.

I bleached my hair earlier again. It probably looks nasty but at least when it's this colour it all looks even. Hopefully it should all be good for February when I'm going to make Beccy dread it.

Something stupid that happened today, was I received an email telling Christians to boycott the film "The Golden Compass" which is based on Phillip Pullman's Northern Lights. I thought that it was quite stupid because, even though Pullman is an atheist and his books are supposed to be an alternative to the religious representations in CS Lewis' Chronicles of Narnia, it's hardly going to make much of an impact on a child - children will not go to watch this film with the intention of reading into it deeply and debating upon the subject of what may or may not be symbolised in the film. So it was a stupid email and I don't think there's anything wrong with Christian children watching the film, just as there was nothing wrong with atheist children watching the Chronicles of Narnia. I have spoken

Ooh poor Cerys. She's such a sweetheart. And now she will disappear and never be on TV again and probably marry that arse Mark Bannerman. Barf.

Um well that's it. I'm going to give blood tomorrow, and then sometime soon I can get piercings, yay. I want my nose done again and probably other stuff. Even though I have no money and still need to buy Christmas presents for some people :\
Never mind.
xxx